Of Friends and Lovers
by Ananke
Summary: Post-Nemesis. Changes abound. Some deal with it deceptively well, and some not at all.


Disclaimer: Star Trek: TNG and all related characters are owned by Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
Note: This one is set post-Nemesis (the movie) and contains a couple of slight DS9 and VOY references.  
  
--- "There are places I remember all my life,  
  
Though some have changed  
  
Some forever, not for better  
  
Some have gone and some remain.  
  
All these places have their moments  
  
Of lovers and friends I still can recall  
  
Some are dead and some are living  
  
In my life I loved them all." (The Beatles)  
  
---  
  
"Doctor? You needed something?"  
  
Jumping, Beverly Crusher tightened her grip on the padd in her hand, startling out of her trance. From her position just inside the door to the captain's ready room, his voice and look were both weary and searing. Wincing, she moved closer to the desk. "I'm sorry. Look at me, running in here like a schoolgirl. I suppose you already received notification. Jean- Luc, I've been asked to return to Starfleet Medical, to act as Director."  
  
"As I recall, you've abandoned the position before." Her oldest friend leaned back in his seat, rolling his neck and frowning slightly.  
  
Pacing, she sat the padd within his reach, brows furrowing as she walked. "Oh, yes.but it simply wasn't the right time then. I couldn't keep my mind off Wesley, I hadn't half the nerve I thought I had to deal with those stubborn Admirals and Commodores.and the transmissions from Enterprise were dire. I had to run to the rescue.whether to that of the crew or Doctor Pulaski, I'm still not certain."  
  
"Ah, so it wasn't pining for your Captain that brought you back. Beverly.you do break my heart."  
  
"As artificial as your jokes, I believe." Smile fading, she perched on the edge of the desk, meeting his eyes with equal gravity and affection. "Things have been changing fast around here. If you need me to stay."  
  
"I would without a doubt be far happier if you chose to stay." He extended a hand, rubbing her knuckles with a thumb, tones level and faintly tired. "But I do not want you to stay, Doctor. Not every officer is given as many opportunities as Will was."  
  
"I'm your friend, Jean-Luc, and then your officer."  
  
"It wouldn't do to let an Admiral hear that. Good God, Beverly, look at us." Standing, he paced over to the view port, staring out grimly. Earth hung silent and blue, a hive of activity from above and utterly foreign from below. "Do you realize the difficulties involved in keeping my senior staff together for so very long? After the D crashed, I thought we were doomed; I even put together some pompous personal missive and informed Command that the reassignments they planned would be equivalent to cutting off both my hands. For a while I supposed they might take it a plea of inadequacy and strip me of command for having dared to flaunt them. But then the E came along and we were put back together. The price of friendship is comfort, and eventually it is a hand to be called in. As are many things."  
  
"Friendship triumphs through comfort and the worst conditions of deprivation. New officers will come, and old will go, and you will welcome the changes, for you above all people know that only change is eternal. Don't do this to yourself, Jean-Luc. Don't let your grief over Data expand into guilt. He."  
  
"He sacrificed himself not only for some command ideal of sparing his captain, but also out of friendship. Mostly out of friendship, I believe. He was a child, Doctor, and I shaped him into a fine officer and into a finer man than I ever thought to become. Our friendship took him and I will never forget that or forgive it." Voice thickening with anger, he sat again, fingers lifting the chip that lay on his desk absently. "He did not have his emotion chip, but I fail to accept that logic drove him. There is no logic in suicide, or in death."  
  
"But there is often an unbearable degree of love." Bending over, Beverly closed her eyes and wrapped her arms about his shoulders briefly; inhaling the elegant, musky scent of the man she had never cared for properly. Pulling back, she smiled slightly, pausing by the door in preparation to leave. "Let your anger and grief run their course, Captain. Morning will come. You will survive it, and emerge the better. I know I always have. Am I dismissed?"  
  
Picard stared briefly, dumbfounded, and then straightened, tugging at his uniform and nodding. "Very well, Doctor. Go."  
  
And she went, without pause for a look or regret, and only a very slight, very warm smile.  
  
"Beverly!" The nearby turbolift door opened before the command could be called, and Will Riker stepped out, his own grin growing. "I was just on my way to find the captain before hunting you down. Perhaps we can get together in Titan's Ten Forward in a few days for a break-in poker game."  
  
"I'd like that.Captain Riker." Tapping the fourth pip on his collar, she shook her head with wry amusement. "Of course, you have to bid the old man goodbye and I'm a little busy now, but after you finish and I check up on Worf.Will, how is Deanna? She never followed up in sickbay."  
  
"She's.tired. She and Geordi have been talking each other through it." Riker's smile faded, replaced by something more akin to anger in his eyes. "Lwaxana wanted to catch the next transport out to the Titan and bring along her personal physician, but I convinced her that Mother's extreme affection and a horde of Betazoid mind readers were the last thing Deanna needed or wanted. I put it in more tactful terms, of course."  
  
"Of course, Captain." Holding the turbolift, she prepared to step in, casting him a last, sympathetic smile. "She'll be in good hands on Titan with the Doctor, Will. He's the best holographic physician or friend I've ever met. And yes, I can eat my own prejudices."  
  
Her best friend laughed. "He and I will hold you to that.my Ten Forward, this time a week from now. Don't be late, Doctor."  
  
"I wouldn't presume to be." Watching him disappear into the ready room, Crusher let the door slip shut, calling out her destination and resting her head briefly against the bulkhead.  
  
"Doctor." The door swished open and closed again before the lift started and she jumped slightly, straightening and lifting her eyes. La Forge stood a couple of feet away, arms spilling with orange fluff. He looked frankly frazzled. "I guess todays just as good a moving day for Spot as for everyone else." The engineer explained, a bit more grimly than befit his usual amiability.  
  
"Would you like me to sedate one or both of you?" She asked, moving over and combing her fingers through the thick fur. A purr arose, accompanied by lazily blinking feline eyes.  
  
"That's very funny." Geordi frowned. "A hypo can't begin to end my problems. You know, those repair teams Command sent abound in novices.the only saving grace is that the section leader, Commander Torres, at least knows her way around.but she really knows her way around, and sort of takes over everything whether you like it or not.and I can't begin to deal with B- 4." Shifting the cat's weight, he flashed an embarrassed smile. "But you don't want to hear about that."  
  
"Of course I do." Motioning, she took the creature from him, laughing softly as a tail wrapped around her wrist. La Forge looked relieved, dusting at his uniform. "Will said you've been talking to Deanna, but I'm sure the therapy was more about her than you at this point."  
  
"And you, Doctor?"  
  
"I'm.you know, I'll be fine. I loved Data, in many ways, he was a second child. I have good memories, and those are the ones I choose to hold to. I know from experience that you have to remember the best and let everything else be. Besides, look what he left us.his legacies." Voice catching despite herself, the doctor nodded awkwardly. "What about B-4?"  
  
"Well, things just aren't going as expected. Frankly, there's a lot of pressure on him.these Admirals and Federation scientists expect him to be Data, reborn. It isn't going to happen, Doc. He uploaded a good amount of memory from Data, but just as much was lost.and what he didn't lose isn't guaranteed to stick. He's more primitive.the only way he could even approach the android we knew would be through some severe rebuilding. I don't think it should happen. B-4 is what he is. We have no right to play God with him just to bring back something we valued."  
  
"And I suppose the admiralty doesn't agree."  
  
"Do they ever?" Brief, unfettered frustration crossed the engineer's face. "He's just a machine to them, just like Data always was. Well.they're not going to hurt him. Captain Picard and Comm.Captain Riker have agreed to support me in a custody petition, and Admiral Janeway seems inclined to agree. If they won't take B-4 as he is, they just won't have either of us. I'll resign."  
  
"I hope it doesn't come to that, Geordi." Touching his shoulder, she smiled sadly. "But if it does, you have the rest of us. "  
  
"Thanks." Relief suddenly seemed etched into the tired face. "I'm sorry to vent at you. It's just been such a time.I was headed off shift, to see if a little nap will improve my perspective."  
  
"I see nothing wrong with your perspective, but the nap is good self- advice. I'll drop Spot off at Worf's, I was headed there anyhow."  
  
"A Klingon and a cat? I'm not sure that's such a great mixture." A brief grin settled on La Forge's face.  
  
"Nonsense, Worf loves cats. He just doesn't know it yet." Settling Spot more securely into her grasp as her intended deck approached, she winked and stepped out when the lift stopped and door opened. "Nap, Commander, that's a medical order."  
  
He only waved weakly, and the door shut. Sighing, Beverly headed towards the ambassadorial suite, punching in her medical override and stepping in without ceremony.  
  
Worf stood immediately from his position in a nearby chair, brows drawn together in not altogether pleased surprise. "I suppose the feline is now my responsibility?"  
  
"If you have that much interest in it, I'm sure La Forge will share." Setting Spot down and watching the animal fly off to a nearby corner, Enterprise's CMO crossed her arms, stepping further into the living area. "I'd like to see you emerge from your grotto long enough for a physical, Worf."  
  
"I am fine." Huffing slightly, he lowered his tones. "I assure you, Doctor, I will report to sickbay the moment I suspect lingering effects to the events of the past few days. In the interim, I prefer the peace of my own space."  
  
"You prefer your solitude."  
  
"Yes." He nodded slightly, glaring. "I do. You do not have to scold me like Ezri."  
  
"That's strange; I hear that Ezri is a wonderful young sage and that solitude is something you can drown in." Head tilting, she took in the background atmosphere. "The wedding music, a recording of it." Moving forward, she prepared to lift a labeled case from the nearby terminal area, surprised and not repelled by the firm grip that halted her.  
  
"It was remanded to my care by Commander Data at the end of the reception. I had no time to return it." Pausing briefly, the Klingon released his grasp, moving large hands to shield the chip container, eyes reflecting his regret. "Wagner is not as unpleasant as I originally believed."  
  
"Worf." Stepping back, she crossed arms, staring at him. "If you need to talk to someone."  
  
"I have surmounted these emotions before." He interjected, shoulders stiffening. "And Deanna.the counselor is in no condition to be burdened with the difficulties of others."  
  
"You forget that I've 'surmounted' these emotions before myself. It isn't a pleasant hike to take alone. There are other counselors aboard. If that idea doesn't appeal to you, I'm here."  
  
"I realize that, Doctor."  
  
"But you don't want to talk.at least not about Data. Fine. I'm tired of being talked to about Data and Deanna and the pain.the pain is still too raw." Moving around him in a gradual circle, Crusher sighed, staring about the sparsely appointed room. "Of course, I said the very same thing to Jean- Luc when Jack died, and again when Nana passed." Her hand paused on an ornate frame. Wedding holocapture, Worf and Jadzia Dax had been wed in scarlet.the color of Trill blood.  
  
"If the Captain is expecting you." Her old crewmate began, moving to touch the frame as well. It held between them for a long moment before she let go, rubbing her arms and smiling faintly.  
  
"The Captain stopped expecting me years ago, Worf. So." Forcing lightness, she settled herself onto his sofa. "You've decided to return to the Enterprise. I imagine you'll be asked to take the executive position, with Will and Deanna transferring, now that."  
  
"We cannot avoid discussing his death." Worf gripped the picture close and moved to the sofa as well, perching gingerly at the opposite end, clearly ready to spring away at the slightest move.  
  
Beverly lifted a brow, fingers splaying on her thighs, eyes studiously observing afore unnoted wrinkles. "Perhaps not.do you remember how very curious Data was about his mortality? I think he was frightened of not knowing when, Worf, frightened of being the last to go, or of losing any of us with that emotion chip there to give him feeling. Perhaps it was best this way, Data taking his fate in his own hands.I smiled at the private memorial we held. Did you notice? Do you suppose anyone else did?" Tired laughter caught in her throat, and she let her lids drop, burying hands in wan, tangled hair.  
  
"I cannot think of anything that would offend a warrior more than grief at a noble sacrifice and fated passing."  
  
"He was no warrior. Data was an explorer, in ways we'd forgotten. He was so humanly curious and open to new ideas, so beautiful in his joy of everything around him.only innocents and children have that beauty, and we don't laugh at their deaths. We can't. How can it be right to laugh at Data now.how could it ever have been right to laugh at him? But we did. We laughed at him when he couldn't understand and when he began to understand we told him to shut off his emotion chip. And still he understood, and still he loved us." Standing, she paced, shoulders coiled with tension. "And not one iota of the friendship we've held in such sacred trust has spared us. God damn it, Worf, it isn't fair."  
  
"I have learned that change rarely is, Doctor." Sitting the picture frame down and turning it to conceal the picture, the Klingon squared his shoulders and met her gaze, a hand moving to move the tangled strands of hair from her eyes. "You are a strong spirit. You were not broken by previous losses, and you will not be broken now. And I."  
  
"I'm sick of being told how strong I am, and I'm sick of everyone presuming they know me for all that I am."  
  
"You are stronger than you think, and will not be broken." A swarthy hand snagged her wrist, drawing it up. They clashed gazes for a long moment before she leaned in slightly, relieving the pressure of his unremitting grasp. "All that you are is entirely in your hands. And I.and I am pleased to be here for you. We are not unalike, with our losses and our cynicism and our selfishness, are we, Doctor?"  
  
"I'm tired of being strong right now." The admittance fell barely audible as it came, and she attempted to lift a hand to rub at her neck.  
  
"Then be weak. I would be the last person to hold it against you." Releasing her, Worf moved away, expression settling into equal parts pity and worry. "Perhaps I can counsel you. I understand that you have been offered a position at Starfleet Medical."  
  
"It's a good position, Worf."  
  
"I was ambassador to Qo'noS for a period of time, as you are aware." His lips lifted, curling into the barest hint of a grimace. "It was a good position. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I somehow continuously drifted back to a prior posting. The Enterprise. I have returned for as long as Starfleet will allow me the position."  
  
"Until you're old and gray." The faintest hint of laughter rose to her eyes.  
  
"And then you will have no difficulty in directing me to sickbay. I may reside there."  
  
"I haven't said that I would be there either."  
  
"You have so few reasons not to go?"  
  
Standing, she smoothed a hand across his forehead, almost immediately aware and embarrassed by the overtly personal touch. "I'm finding reasons to stay. I'm finding reason to stay."  
  
This time both hands snapped around hers, drawing her down to his eye level. Deep, dark, they raged.with grief, she felt certain, but also with levels of respect and affection Worf Rozhenko would never learn to properly express through any other channel. His voice was strained, rough, and honorably short of a plea. "Then stay."  
  
"Worf.how is it that you alone never expect me to heal you? You alone only want my companionship, and don't take more than I have to give." Resting her forehead against his, Beverly inhaled, tears brimming, throat aching. At last, the tears fell quickly and her control steadied; tones equally rough and laced with tired affection as she met his eyes. "All right. I can give you tonight. The future is beyond our control."  
  
And stay she did.  
  
AFIN 


End file.
